What a difficult month this has been so far in so many ways but twice this month I have read notifications for my heart to fall suddenly into my boots. Losing one idol is rare but two in one month is terrible.
I remember being 13, browsing the perfumes section in Brown’s of Chester with my Mum on one of our trips to see relatives. One of my “special interests” (passions) has been perfume from an early age. The colourful bottles of varying shapes and sizes, memorising different scents and designer names, being lucky enough to choose one to take home with me (usually bought by a relative) or shredding the wrapping on a Christmas or birthday present to find a shimmering bottle inside a tastefully decorated box and feeling the first spray travel up my nose to be catalogued in my own personal database. After much meandering through displays and counters I felt drawn to a bottle I had never seen before, a blue crystal star. I remember some vague remark my Mum made about a friend or relative who had tried it and it smelled like dishwater, but I was unconvinced. I grabbed the tester bottle, sprayed it onto a tester strip, wafted for two to three seconds and then took a deep breath. It was amazing, something so unique and intense, I had to have it. £50 for a small bottle… I think you know what I saved my pocket money up for from then on. “Angel” by Thierry Mugler was my signature scent from then up to age 22. “Alien” also briefly featured from 19 but “Angel” will always be my first love. I have never been one for fashion (I’ve always considered myself too short and round to have any say on what runway models show) but perfume was my thing for a very long time (I still have 10 different bottles in my bathroom on rotation) and Thierry Mugler’s passing jarred me tonight. Without that one bottle, I don’t think the world of designer aromas would have been so important to me.
A few days before however, the first crushing blow hit. Meatloaf. He needs no introduction really. I don’t think there are many people who didn’t know Meatloaf. (Except for my son… he now knows and loves his music almost as much as I do, that’s my boy!). I think most people have a specific time they can recall when a certain artist or type of music carried them through. My Meatloaf love affair started in my 3rd/4th year of University. Long walks to and from my house and College. Listening to his “Best of” album on repeat until I got to my destination. Being on my own for break times and having him and a cigarette as my companions. Trying not to sing along… very difficult and almost irresistible. Don’t get me wrong, I did have a few friends at college but most played different instruments so we were only together after hours. Meatloaf CD’s had a home in my first car, Gordon and got me through being a single mum, dating, getting married and other life events too.
I’ve never coped with death well. The sudden change, the finality, no going back, knowing there will only be memories and no new releases. I didn’t know either of these people personally but I know that so many will feel the loss of these great names.
One big mystery for me is whether this kind of death affects a neurotypical as much as it does an autistic. I know my husband really felt it when Michael Jackson died, having listened to his music his whole life and having an encyclopaedic knowledge of track names, album dates, trivia, the lot. I know change does have an impact on most of us but to varying degrees.
I would love to know. Feel free to tell me.
Rest in peace Moatloaf and Thierry Mugler. Your legacies will live on.
No comments:
Post a Comment