Special Interests

This week so far has been electric! 

As you know, my shop has been open since April 13th, after being in lockdown since Christmas. The anxiety before opening again was high, but I'll write about that another day... for now, let's focus on the good. 

Once I got back into my office, teaching students who I haven't seen since December, sorting out files and paperwork, tuning up cellos and bowing basses, I felt alive again. My husband even commented that he I "actually look happy" when I returned home last night. And he was right. I am happy. I feel like I am back in the place that I was intended to be in. Not behind a screen or sat at a desk, but in the real musical world with melodies floating around me. Where people need me, ask for my advice and opinions and sometimes just stop in for a chat. Granted, I am now constantly behind a mask and not a screen, but that fact that people do no glitch or cut out in person is refreshing and the lack of internet lag makes me want to shout from the roof tops. (All of you teachers out there understand the struggle!)

Music is definitely my first love and my everlasting, ever faithful partner. We have our arguments, usually me looking at my instrument in disgust as if it was them who were playing flat and not the idiot in control, but it has stood the test of time and has been part of me for over 25 years. One might even say, it's my "Special Interest".

Something you may have heard with regards to autistic people is the term "Special Interests". This is used to describe a fixation or super knowledge that an autistic person has on a certain subject. I think you might assume my only one is music, but there are so many more. Some might know of my love of Japanese and that I have been attempting to learn it for a quite a few years, not that I'm anywhere near fluent. Or that I have a fascination with building lego and Minecraft. I love certain TV shows to the point of watching them again and again until I can recite every word (At the moment I'm crushing on Stranger Things). Yes, I know... So stereotypically autistic... 

However, I have to admit, it's not a term I have warmed to. The words "special interests" almost feel like a pat on the head or a semi fake smile and "Awww! How cute!". 

Can't we just say "Passion"?

Replace "Their special interest is" with "They have a passion for". I just sounds more dignified to me. 

Some people may like the term, some may use it and there is nothing wrong with that. You do what makes you feel comfortable and do it with pride. Me though, I'm happy with "Passion", because that's the closest way for me to describe how it feels. 

When I play an instrument I feel immersed in it, like free floating in a large heated pool with blooms and petals surrounding me. Playing a piece to the best of my ability makes my heart swell and my chest burst with pride. Knowing I have helped someone has the same satisfaction as a warm bear hug or hot chocolate and blankets on the sofa in the middle of January. (Or April, considering it snowed last week...) The thirst for knowledge is not just in my mind, it's physical. The urgency of obtaining facts flows in my blood stream and recalling them to wowed students is like bird song and wind chimes. 

Ok Jayne, stop being so dramatic... But honestly, it feels indescribably addictive. It's the most wonderful feeling in the world. 

This isn't just an interest, this is an extra special, passionate interest.