It’s Been a While…

This is my first blog post in a little while as I’ve had to take some time away from screens. 

It’s been a weird few weeks. Dr’s appointments, work overload, school engagements, car breaking down. Big changes. We all know how much I love big changes… 

The top and bottom of the issue is I’ve had constant  persistent headaches and not been able to sleep. My rational-self has been telling me to sort it out and rest. My panicked-over-stressed-hypochondriac-can’t-do-anything-right-self had me convinced I had a covid vaccine blood clot or a brain tumour or another flare up of meningitis. I think you can guess which one I should have listened to but which one ended up winning out. 

After a short conversation with my new family doctor (my old one retired recently and seeing a new one was a very difficult experience, as I’m sure you can imagine) he put it down to stress. Too much buzzing around from place to place, too much screen time with online work, too much work in general, too many life events to plan for, too much time worrying about things I couldn’t control, too much, too much, too much! I was told not to drive unless completely necessary, I was told to find time off or be signed off (not really an option) I was told to take relaxation and meditation time, I was told to be kind to me. What an alien concept… 

Now, whether you believe in God, Karma, a higher power, forces of the universe, or none of the above; things changed before I could change them. 

I needed to drive to orchestra, my clutch pedal snapped. (yes, snapped off) No car, no quick travel, less work, more walking, less stress. 

People randomly cancelling lessons for one reason or another, more time, less stress. 

Friends and family being more understanding than I’ve ever been with myself, more breathing space, less stress. 

House purchase fell through, more disposable income, easier holiday period, less stress. 

I’m slowly starting to realise that the stress I put on myself is worse than what anyone could ever think of me. For every bad thing that’s happened, I’m seeing a very faint silver lining. 

The headaches aren’t gone, but it’s a heck of a lot better than it’s been. Plus, it gave me an excuse to get my eyes checked and I now have some snazzy Nina Ricci glasses which I could afford because we’re not buying a house right this minute. (I also got a piano!! I’ve wanted one for ages, but that’s another story.) 

The moral? I can work myself stupid and put pressure on myself but if I do, my body and inner child will rebel. I think it’s time for me to be kinder to me.