Definition: Autism

 

1. Autism: A developmental disorder of variable severity that is characterised by difficulty in social interaction and communication and by restricted or repetitive patterns of thought and behaviour. F

   rom Greek autos ‘self’ + ism. 

   
   

   Damn.... A lot of words in that dictionary definition sting...

   
   

   Let's start at the beginning. 

   
   

   For me personally, only having the word 'disorder' here and not 'difference' is tough. Yes autism is debilitating in a lot of ways and it varies from person to person, but in my case I feel it adds as much as it takes away. As a child to a young person I probably would have felt 'disorder' fit the bill quite accurately, however, now that I'm out of the education system I don't feel that way as much. On the one hand, yes, you could argue I have a disorder, needing extra time to learn things, not being able to sense social subtitles that I haven't encountered before or suss out people who are not what they seem. But on the flip side I feel a little enhanced now I know that others don't posses my acute sense of hearing, smell, taste or memory. 

   
   

   As you may know, I am a musician. I can accurately recall, without sheet music, pieces that I played when I was doing my first violin grade. I can tell you what syllabus a piece of music is from just from the opening bars. My husband can tell you what year and album 99% of Michael Jackson songs are from and do complicated maths in his head with little effort. My son can name all of the actors from and facts relating to the Harry Potter and Starwars movie franchises. That doesn't really feel like a disorder when it leaves most people with their mouths open, speechless. Yes, sensory processing is a pain at times, when someone is eating a boiled sweet and I can hear and smell it from across a room while my stomach is turning inside out, but nothing can describe the pleasure I get from perfume and the memories associated with every single scent I come across. As I said, for me, autism giveth as much as it taketh away. 

   
   

   'Difficulty in social interaction', yes. I struggle with people but only in the unknown. If I know my role I can play it with ease. If I'm a teacher, mother, wife, daughter, friend. I bet you would feel uncomfortable if, in every other social setting, you felt like an Englishman in New York. (Good song, look it up 😉) Or the only native English speaker at an (Insert different nationality here) party where you had enough knowledge of the language to get by but didn't understand the sayings or slang enough to fully catch the flow of conversation. That's genuinely how it feels. I've been to quite a few parties or meetings in different languages that I have a rough knowledge of, and the feeling is no different to being in a room of people from my hometown. But I learned how to deal with it, how to smile and play along until I understood. I'm an autistic that loves sarcasm and socialising, how bizarre... not really. 

   
   

   'Communication'. Well... Anyone who knows me, knows that I can talk not just for England but probably the entire UK, but only when I feel comfortable. Isn't that the case for anyone though? Some autistic people do struggle with communication, and I understand, but they just need time and methods to convey their thoughts and emotions, it doesn't mean they don't have them. And is NT verbal communication the only valid way to communicate? I think not.

   
   

   'Restricted or repetitive patterns of thought and behaviour'. Hmm... I do love my routine. I do love knowing what's going to happen and my 'right' way of doing things. And yes, I do get caught up in it, I feel irritated or stressed out with change, but I'm not entirely bound by it. I can be flexible and have to adjust in daily life quite a bit. Most certainly I know what I like and I like what I know, but I don't see how that's different from anyone else. But maybe it's because I can't see beyond my own ideas and observations. 

   
   

   As far as a definition goes, yes it probably fits quite a few autistic people, but probably as many as it doesn't fit because we are all different. I don't feel that autism can simply be defined yet as we are always learning about it. With the amount of undiagnosed people across the globe and autistic lead discovery being in its infancy, I don't think we can have a clear, bigger picture. 

   
   

   The most thought provoking part of this "Definition" for me is that last sentence. '

   F

   rom Greek autos ‘self’ + ism.'

   
   

   Selfism. 

   
   

   I spend an awful lot of my time, 5/6 days a week in fact, helping people. I teach adults and children how to achieve their dreams of playing an instrument. I listen to other peoples problems and I create solutions, I take on other peoples plans and create musical journeys. Sure, I know when enough is enough, and at that point I need to retreat and recover, but most of my life is spent thinking of others. Selfism to me sounds too much like selfish. My son is the least selfish person I know. At 7 years old, if he sees that I'm upset he will go out of his way to comfort me in anyway he knows how. Blankets, chocolate, cuddles, TV, what ever it takes until I give him a smile. He's like that with everyone. He's always had a pain radar. Even if another kid who he's never met before falls down, he's the first on the scene making sure they are ok. 

   
   

   Is that really 'Selfism'? 

   
   

   On the other hand, I do know that we draw on our own likes and dislikes to help others or bring them joy. Sometimes this doesn't work or can be misunderstood. The idea that "This brings me joy, so it will do the same for others" can work but can equally backfire. For example, when I was in university a friend of mine had a piano in her room. I asked if I could use it and she said yes. I'm ok at reading peoples' expressions now, but then, not so great, so when she burst into tears I was completely caught off guard. I now know its probably best to ask them if they're ok, or say you're there for them or offer them space. Not randomly blurt out "Do you want a fruit tea?", which has now gone down in history as a humorous point in our friendship and she will probably never let me live it down. But I was 19 and my thought process was that when I'm sad, I like a cup of fruit tea, this will help her. Extrapolation of self-analysis, yes, but not selfish. Selfish would have been asking her to cry elsewhere while I used the piano, or refusing to leave... 

   
   

   I know that we are all different and this definition does fit for some, all I am trying to say is that autism is classed as a spectrum for a reason. Knowing a definition and applying it to all can be harmful, getting to know a person and accepting them for who they are is what's needed.