Time and Time Again

Time waits for no man. 

This statement causes me more anxiety than I can tell you. Over the course of my life so far, time has been a heavy factor in my choices, too much in fact. More often than not it has been out of my control and I have felt pushed along life's current for better and sometimes for worse.

From being a teenager I have felt like I've always been running out of time. Whether it is taking GCSEs or A Levels, choosing a career, finishing a degree. Then later on; starting a family, buying a house, building a business. In the back of my mind there has always been a ticking clock or a reminder that I need to have things finished by a certain point. 

I feel a lot of this can be put down to being autistic in the schooling system. We HAVE to do our GCSEs at 16, we HAVE to do our A levels at 18, we HAVE to go on to a degree or we risk not getting a good job and having a good life. This information is fed to us at every opportunity. 

But what if we need more time?

What if we are not ready to be at the stage our birth certificate suggests? 

There is never room for that. Statistics matter, grades matter, moving on the conveyer belt of life matters, otherwise, heaven forbid you should be left behind or too old to get what you need out of life. 

As children and young adults we don't always know what we need and trust those around us to help, but what if they are wrong? What if we shouldn't be treating life as a sprint, but more like a marathon?

Autistics usually need more time. We need extra time to process everything around us. I don't necessarily mean an extra hour in an exam room, although that does help an awful lot of people, I mean years in which to grow. 

If you've every grown food at home, (as a wonderful friend of mine does on her allotment) it always tastes better than supermarket produce. Part of me wonders whether that is because it has grown in its own time naturally, rather than being forced up to meet demand. 

Maybe autistics should be treated the same? 

Maybe all people should be treated them same?

To flourish on your own terms and in your own timeframe doesn't make you better or worse, it just makes you certain. To choose your career path at 30 rather that 13 is perfectly acceptable. There are many people who change careers later on in life who are a lot happier than sticking with what they chose in high school because their previous choice was done on a tight deadline. 

Looking back, I now know I needed more time. My degree has definitely shown that. Academically, I was at the right standard to go to university, but my head and my heart weren't ready. I was still very much kid and had to change very quickly, adapting to people's expectations, different social situations and a new, heavier work load. I don't think I was truly what they wanted or expected and I didn't know myself well enough to have that amount of independence and it cost me a lot of dignity and sanity. There was no way for me to know how I was wrong until I was landed in trouble with my peers or tutors. I was branded as lazy, weird, a social no-no, all because I wasn't up to the same maturity level. Surely, in this schooling system, I was ready based on being 18? Definitely not. 

In a lot of ways I was expected to be someone but wasn't given any form of criteria for who or what that person was and I always fell short or adapted too late for everyone around me. 

However, I will talk about my experiences in the education system more in another piece, for now I want to focus on time. 

I could talk about my time anxiety forever, but I don't think it would be useful as it might be more personal than autistic. However, I do want to say that this paranoia might based on being told day after day that I am not quick enough, smart enough, mature enough, and things need to be done now or not at all, by teachers, bosses and friends a like and the main reason I need more time is because of my autism, something that I didn't know about back then. 

Now I feel like I am performing a balancing act of  making sure my son has more time but also sticks to deadlines set by school and different activities. "More Time vs. On Time" is a daily struggle for both of us and I don't want him to inherit my time-phobia, however we do have to play everyone else's game otherwise where would we meet in the middle? Maybe it is a question of keeping the daily deadlines but deciding your own milestones. 

I watched a mini documentary on the creation of instant noodles (yes, isn't my life exciting...) and it really spoke to me. Ando Momofuku created instant ramen to help solve the food crisis in Japan after WW2. He spent a long time thinking, developing, creating what we now see everywhere, Nissin's Cup Noodle. All his life he was a salesman and entrepreneur in many different fields but he found success much later on and a quote from Ando-San really jumped out at me.

“It is never too late to do anything in life. You can have a new beginning even at age 50 or 60”

His greatest success hadn't even started by the time he was 48, and what a success it was. Even after Ando-San's passing in 2007, Cup noodle remains the number 1 brand of instant ramen in the world and is now run by his son. If a 96 year old multimillionaire tells you to take your time, then maybe its advice worth following! 

The important thing to take from this is that no matter who you are, autistic or neurotypical, you should take the time you need to get to where you want to go. I know that the schooling system doesn't work like that and you probably will have that one person telling you to do everything while you're young, but life doesn't end as quickly as they would have you believe and you can start again when ever you want.

One of the greatest inspirations of my life is a man who has worked since age 16 in more professions than I can count, from police officer to farmer, lorry driver to salesman. He has always done what is necessary to support his family and keep himself young. And in his mid 70's, he still has enough time to put up with my crazy ideas and schemes. I think the only person more inspirational than him is his wife of over 50 years. If there's anyone who can show me that I can do what ever I want in my own time, it's my grandparents.