Performance Anxiety 2

I passed!! 10/10 on the first take and I am now officially a qualified 1st aider! (Well, for the next 3 years…) 

But I did it. I overcame that flash of anxiety that came when I was told I had to perform. In all honesty, it was no where near as bad as I thought. I was just me and another course member pairing up and doing chest compressions on a dummy etc. But in my head, the thoughts carried me away to scariest place. Having to stand in front of the rest of the class and recite the past few hours worth of class notes, demonstrating perfect lifesaving techniques or be thrown out. Any reasonable person would know that wouldn’t happen, but in those situations, when fear has gripped you tightly, do we know reason? 

The majority of my students are under the impression that I don’t suffer from performance anxiety. That because I have ascended to post grade 8 Valhalla on their chosen instrument, that I don’t experience the same emotions as the mere mortals I left behind. 

Post-Grade 8 Valhalla is a myth. I still feel the same way after achieving Post-Conservatoire Nirvana! (Yet again, not a thing I’m afraid) I do think there is Post-Grade 1 peace of mind. The idea that the first exam is the worst and you know what to expect for the next one, but there’s never an end. 

Some people don’t like to see their teacher as anything but superhuman. Revealing humanity is almost like coming out as a fraud. But that’s all we are. Human. Some of us with extra neuro-divergence. But still human. Performance anxiety is a reality for pretty much all of us. Some teachers prefer the Wizard of Oz approach. They hide all of their flaws behind the curtain hoping never to be discovered whist booming their voices forward. I’ve met a few… it’s a little strange to me. I’d much rather put people at ease and relate to them, share experiences, make them feel welcome and give them a safe space to be creative. 

Anyway, I thought I would update you on my 1st aid status as I’m sure you were on the edge of your seats wondering whether I made it or not… 😂😉 

Here’s a picture of me doing chest compressions just for proof… not very flattering but I like to think that it adds to the authenticity. 😅